Wednesday, August 06, 2008

It turned its neck and looked straight at me.

Seriously it did. Here I was being all Betty Crocker when I opened the cabinet above the sink to find a cockroach, a huge cockroach staring back at me. Seriously, he was about five inches long and his antlers, err, I mean antennae were that at least that long as well. It was so big you could hear it walking. Big Philip was at the store so when I screamed, Little Philip naturally screamed too, thinking woohoo! a game! The Mama Bear in me came out as I yelled GET BACK PHILIP! DO NOT COME IN HERE! Of course, my little bear crept closer and closer and asked what I was doing about every two seconds. First, I picked up the phone ready to demand that my husband come home that instant to rescue me. But then I thought, I'm at home full time now, and I have to learn to deal with these things. So, I found our can of roach spray and came back to the kitchen. The cockroach was gone. It could be anywhere. Including my hair, as I screamed again shaking like a possessed lunatic, frantically gouging my scalp and my son to be sure the monster had not jumped onto either of us. Then I saw it, peering out of the coffee filter box. Now, as you know from the latest posts, we are on an extremely tight budget. The thought of sacrificing my unbleached cone filters was horrific but it had to be done. I sprayed and the cockroach instantly started to run around on everything else in the cabinet. I screamed louder. So did Little Philip. Then, it made a flying leap into the sink below where it tried desperately to climb the stainless steel sides. From the sound of the legs clicking on that stainless steel you would have thought I had a live blue crab in there. I mean, it had a jointed neck. I know because it turned and looked at me! Mind you, all this time, I am still screaming, squealing, jumping up and down as if the kitchen floor is electrified. Little Philip is still screaming and jumping in circles, mimicking my every move but out of glee instead of sheer terror. This is all a big joke to him and Mommy is about to call the paramedics. And who knows where I left Helen at this point! So I found the longest metal spoon I own and jammed the sucker down the drain and then, and only then did I hit the disposal button. I let it run for about ten minutes with scalding hot water to be sure there would be no escape. After this ordeal ended, I was left with one of my obsessive compulsive urges to throw everything away in every cabinet and to bleach every single inch of surface space. Instead, I tossed the affected coffee filters, a roll of Ritz crackers that were just above the filters, and wiped clean everything around where the roach spray would have hit.

Seriously, my heart rate is insanely fast even now, 24 hours later, to be sharing this story. Big Philip just rolled his eyes when he came home. I mean, I at least expected a "hey honey, I'm proud of you, that was so brave!" or maybe a congratulatory hug. But no, just an eye roll.

So this begs the question. Do you ever take everything out of your kitchen cabinets to disinfect the shelves, walls, bases, screws, washers, bolts, clips, (insert additional hardware here depending on your level of compulsion)? If you do, how often do you do it?

5 comments:

the skocelai said...

NEVER! After the carseat incident (remember that one?), I've decided to leave well enough alone. If I don't know about it, then it can't bug me. Ignorance really is bliss, you know....

Clan Hill said...

I'm sorry. Your question does not compute. Cleaning cabinets? Maybe wiping down the outside.
I am the bug killer in our house. Jason is terrified of spiders. The other day he called me into the bedroom to get one. I flush spiders and roaches down the toilet. Never squoosh them. They might have eggs and if you squoosh you end up laying the eggs everywhere you walk. Ech.

Shelia said...

Brave woman! I despise those huge roaches that very rarely (but that is too often for me!) find their way into our houses! If I'd been there, I'd have been screaming with you too!

The Ernest Family said...

I hate roaches..growing up in South Alabama - they flew. Aagh!!! Being in TN, we don't see them much. Our main bug problems are mosquitoes and ants. We never used bug spray just a big shoe and clorox and paper towels for the clean up. No, I don't remember cleaning the cabinets out except for spring cleaning. I don't blame you for the screaming and cleaning...they are nasty creatures.

Scott and Margaret Fancher said...

Hey Moss family this is Margaret Fancher. By the way, Renie I think you should take up a new occupation of writing stories. That roach story was great. Scott and I both got a kick out of it. I hope you guys are doing well and you are enjoying staying at home. You may already know but Colby arrived on July 25 and is doing great. He has a ton of dark brown hair and blue eyes. We have lots of pics of him on our blog that you can see. Tell little Philip that I said Hi!!