I hate peeps, always have. They are disgusting marshmallows covered with even more sugar. They make my entire mouth itch when I try them every now and then. My college friends will remember how we bit the heads off of a few packages in college and stuck them onto the Vanderbilt Towers suite door across from our suite senior year. It made it look like dozens of peeps had flown headlong into the door and stuck there. That vandalized suite door belonged to Liz's now hubby of six years, Matt Cotner. Maybe we should love the peeps after all. But for now, enjoy this little tidbit from our Birmingham Sunday paper.
Stupid Peep tricks
Sunday, March 25, 2007
KATHY SEALE News staff writer , Birmingham-Post Herald
Sunday, March 25, 2007
KATHY SEALE News staff writer , Birmingham-Post Herald
It's not easy being a Peep.
Oh, they're cute (in a not-found-in-nature kind of way). Popular, too. But their reputation as tough little birds tempts folks to test them in ways no self-respecting candy should have to endure. Alas, we're no different. We recently hauled a box of chicks - conjoined quintuplet Peeps - to various test sites. The seemingly indestructible birds do have their limits, as you'll see from these challenge results and their corresponding viability ratings: One to five Peeps, where one Peep means it's near belly-up, and five Peeps means it's near Peep perfection.
S'MORES PEEP
Challenge - Fire at Sloss Furnaces.
Results - Sloss employee John Springer clamped tongs onto the Peep's tail, then stuck him in the 3,000-degree flame. Oops! The Peep dropped into the furnace, where the pressure spit it skyward. On the second attempt, the Peep stayed in the flame for a full five seconds before he was rescued.
Rating - (Two Peeps).
MARIE CURIE PEEPS
Challenge - Chemical baths, in a lab unnamed to protect the employee of said lab. But first, a confession: Peep No. 2 is actually three Peeps, which were placed in 30 percent hydrogen peroxide, bleach and a digestive enzyme called trypsin (think stomach acid).
Oh, they're cute (in a not-found-in-nature kind of way). Popular, too. But their reputation as tough little birds tempts folks to test them in ways no self-respecting candy should have to endure. Alas, we're no different. We recently hauled a box of chicks - conjoined quintuplet Peeps - to various test sites. The seemingly indestructible birds do have their limits, as you'll see from these challenge results and their corresponding viability ratings: One to five Peeps, where one Peep means it's near belly-up, and five Peeps means it's near Peep perfection.
S'MORES PEEP
Challenge - Fire at Sloss Furnaces.
Results - Sloss employee John Springer clamped tongs onto the Peep's tail, then stuck him in the 3,000-degree flame. Oops! The Peep dropped into the furnace, where the pressure spit it skyward. On the second attempt, the Peep stayed in the flame for a full five seconds before he was rescued.
Rating - (Two Peeps).
MARIE CURIE PEEPS
Challenge - Chemical baths, in a lab unnamed to protect the employee of said lab. But first, a confession: Peep No. 2 is actually three Peeps, which were placed in 30 percent hydrogen peroxide, bleach and a digestive enzyme called trypsin (think stomach acid).
Results - Hydrogen Peroxide Peep just sat there, intact, for several minutes. Bleach Peep lost an eye and could convincingly play Snow White Peep. Stomach Acid Peep met his match, although it wasn't a quick death.
Ratings - Hydrogen Peroxide Peep: (Five Peeps)
Bleach Peep: (Two Peeps)
Stomach Acid Peep: (One Peep)
CHICKEN LITTLE PEEP
Challenge - Temporary roommate to baby chicks, at Coosa Valley Milling in Wilsonville.
Results - This faux chick emerged from the sure'nough chick box unscathed - except for wood shavings that clung to the bare marshmallow "wounds" caused by separation from his Peep siblings.
Rating - (Four Peeps)
BASSMASTER PEEP
Challenge - As fish bait at a lake at Oak Mountain State Park.
Results - He lost his sugar coating, and shrank a bit. But Peep No. 2 bobbed along like a baby duck, even when we tried to dunk him. And that set park employee B.J. McDanal's mind to wandering. "You'd never digest that thing, would you?"
Rating - (Three Peeps)
OLD MCDONALD PEEP
Challenge - One-on-one with Curly, a black pygmy goat at Oak Mountain State Park's Petting Farm.
Results - Not pretty. Curly's split hoof mashed this Peep almost beyond recognition. Curly did, however, help squash the stereotype that goats eat anything. A couple of minutes went by before he appeared even remotely interest in tasting his prey.
Rating - (Two Peeps)
Ratings - Hydrogen Peroxide Peep: (Five Peeps)
Bleach Peep: (Two Peeps)
Stomach Acid Peep: (One Peep)
CHICKEN LITTLE PEEP
Challenge - Temporary roommate to baby chicks, at Coosa Valley Milling in Wilsonville.
Results - This faux chick emerged from the sure'nough chick box unscathed - except for wood shavings that clung to the bare marshmallow "wounds" caused by separation from his Peep siblings.
Rating - (Four Peeps)
BASSMASTER PEEP
Challenge - As fish bait at a lake at Oak Mountain State Park.
Results - He lost his sugar coating, and shrank a bit. But Peep No. 2 bobbed along like a baby duck, even when we tried to dunk him. And that set park employee B.J. McDanal's mind to wandering. "You'd never digest that thing, would you?"
Rating - (Three Peeps)
OLD MCDONALD PEEP
Challenge - One-on-one with Curly, a black pygmy goat at Oak Mountain State Park's Petting Farm.
Results - Not pretty. Curly's split hoof mashed this Peep almost beyond recognition. Curly did, however, help squash the stereotype that goats eat anything. A couple of minutes went by before he appeared even remotely interest in tasting his prey.
Rating - (Two Peeps)
Author Kathy Seale also notes that at the Just Born factory where peeps are manufactured, "the Peep-eyes machines, which add carnauba wax eyes to the bunnies, chicks and such, can add 3,800 eyes per minute."
Now that's just creepy.
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