Monday, June 23, 2008

Ideal Household - A Wish List

I could be the perfect wife and mother. Really, I could be, if only I had the following people over for extended consults:

Ty Pennington - It has to be Ty. Please Ty, come give us an extreme makeover on our house. Let's start with the kitchen. The picture above contains the exact same oven that is in our house right now in 2008, no lie. Stainless steel appliances everywhere please, along with a tumbled stone back splash over bull-nosed granite counter tops (I've done my homework). New windows please with internal blinds that never have to be dusted. Curtains as well, since after almost four years in the house, they are scarce and only in small rooms that did not provoke the anxiety of a decision. And can we get Little Philip a tree house going in the backyard along with a privacy fence?

Landscape Professional - First, we need a tree for Little Philip's tree house. It's kind of the first step if you're going to have TREEhouse. Then, remove the three worthless trees with no branches that are uprooting the sidewalk, driveway, possibly our house. Regrade the front and back yard to remove roots, and put down the soft, beautiful, St. Augustine grass that died during last year's drought. Whatever you do, do not mess with our front beds which were lovingly restored by Mama Em. They are the envy of the neighborhood and were the focus of our life support efforts through the drought. Since the trees have destroyed our walkways, we'll need a new sidewalk and driveway. The scored concrete with the Tuscan wash would be great.

Leave it to Lauri, clutterologist - fix it and teach me to never ever let it happen again.

Paula Dean, Rachael Ray, Bobby Flay (for Philip), and Sandra Lee - teach me how to be a functional chef, varying our meals, and extending our food budget. And help me get Little Philip to eat affordable but still health-conscious food like mashed potatoes and green beans.

Dr. James Dobson and Jo Jo the Supernanny- how to raise children, specifically potty train boys. Our children are wonderful and we have little to complain about, but Little Philip is starting to test us and Helen still gets up twice a night. We have this huge fear: Are we doing this right????

Personal trainer - Baby fat is only cute on babies. And dimples belong on cheeks, your face cheeks.

Toss in an on call massage therapist and beauty specialist that will make house calls, a clown and pony ride for the kids while Mommy is having her massage and beauty treatments, oh, and a shaved ice machine for mojitos and margaritas and I think that would do it. I wouldn't need anything else ever again, really.

OK - back to reality. Anyone else want to share their wish list?


Kelli, Greg and Spencer said...

Our Kitchen- Ditto on the countertops and backsplash!! Replace our electric stove with gas. Greg would love a wet bar/enertainment island/bar. New cabinets-traditonal white
Master bath- claw foot soaker tub!!
Hardwood floors throughout
Personal trainer and chef
Thats all I can think of right now-Working on a blog page for our clan-FINALLY!!

Shelia said...

Amen Sister!

the skocelai said...

At least two toilets in the house would be great, and while we're at it, add a dishawasher and put the washer and dryer NEXT TO each other and not ACROSS THE ROOM from each other. Right now that's all I'd need. Ask me again in 5 years :).